Thick Skin

Remember with your body pressed firmly on top of mine And it seemed that at that moment that all of time Had found its way into your bed next to us as we lay in a warm embrace Loving every breath, and the thrill as we chased Each others lips back and forth after sighs so content After smiles that had sent Shivers down my spine, and love into my heart Warmth into the night and life back to the stars The moments when I made you laugh, and you turned and looked at me With happiness in those haunting blue eyes that always seemed Like they could save me from my doubt And when they did yours remained like a heavy cloud Drifting over us, bringing this downpour Of warm summer rain, as I lost you in the midst of the storm And now I try to catch the memories as they are torn from my hands with the wind And my heart is ripped from my chest where I thought the skin Had been replaced, sewed up, and mended by you and your loving words But how quickly time changes, as it withdraws from the covers Sli...

I think I am destined to be alone To live a life of loneliness, painfully in a tone So drenched in black and white That no color ever breaks the mold, no sight Of beauty, or anything pure Cause I am trapped with myself here Me and the tree of the dead Trying not to lose myself, or my head In an endless tangled mess of a life in misery I stay quiet too often, perhaps it is the downfall of me Or perhaps it is the beatings I have taken from love That leave me hard and cold, and so full of Defensive tactics to keep myself locked in Never open up enough to let someone in No, not again, not ever again can I let Someone pry me open, snuggle in, and then regret it Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me I guess I've learned my lesson, so I'm going to let it be Make like the beatles and set my heart free From the cage in my chest And lay my head down to rest In a world where love does not exist Or that's what I have to tell myself, to insist That I am not the reason tha...

The wind is at my back, there is fight in my heart There’s right in my wrong, and finish in my start My head is backwards, my mind at my feet My insanity is perpetual, yet far from complete My struggle is one for self, and for feeling whole Returning the smiles I gave, and the ones I stole I’m uncertain what it is that I am waiting for But I have a feeling I have some discovering in store I went and sat under the tree of life And the shadow of it’s branches sheltered my mind I went thoughtless if only for a moment I knew that my heart was blank, and I owned it No words flooded my head and spilled out of my mouth It became clear what this wrinkle in time was about Revelation and renewal pried open my chest Tore open my ribcage and devoured the rest Replaced all of my stubbornness with imagination Took away my innocence and cursed me with damnation My eyes see negative, the opposite of what should be And I think different than most, but on the contrary I blend in with the blurry faces th...

Tempers flare, and it’s back again This evil that I can’t defend Myself from, and it haunts me now in the still of the night When I thought today was a good one, I thought I was right Oh, but wrong again, always wrong am I For believing that there is such a thing as peace Maybe someday there will be, but please Until I find it, save me from this, from my hell I can’t take the yelling, the anger that seems to tell Me that this will never end, and I will never be left To figure out myself, because I will always feel like a theft Of the heart has been committed, you don’t see how you break me You don’t see how tortured my soul is, you don’t want to see I fear you never will, oh how I wish you could love How I wish you weren’t so hard, or so absent, or so hurt, or all of the above I just want calm and collected, is that so much to ask for I just want someone to notice that I have never picked myself up from the floor Still lying where you left me last time things got tough for you How I wi...

I’m broken when I’m open I show vulnerability and I shatter, but listen Cause I am screaming out for substance For something to hold on to, some resistance From the painful memories and the heart break That I have suffered, I just need to take a step backAnd look deeper into these words I’ve written so many that it’s all a blur They just keep bleeding into me, and I can’t erase them I see them on my skin, but you don’t see them They are always there to haunt me, they are so much more Than what is visible, for they have taken hold of most of me For as long as I can remember, but I want to set it free Let go of the lies, the pain and the compromise That I have lived with my entire life I wake up screaming on the nights when my brain Flushes out the covers that I use to block out the pain These memories can’t really keep me captive forever…can they? I wish I could turn around, leave, walk away But someday I know I have to face it, I will have to speak But I am so lost, so confused, becomi...

The tension that used to follow me like a shadow has disappeared And all of the words that I had feared Every minute of every day Fell at my feet and turned to dust and the wind carried them away Swirling amongst the gentle breeze that used to push me around Something that was once so ugly and twisted is beginning to astound Me with it's beauty and its grace as it caressed my cheek Wiped the tear from my eye, made me weak At the knees, the pressure on my chest drifted off of me and crashed to the ground Like broken glass, but it didn't cut me this time, I simply looked down And saw that it reflected a new beginning, a different perspective A step in the right direction, giving me a new motive To breathe easy, to let go of all the secrets that I have kept locked inside For all of these years, waiting for refuge for fresh insight On life, I think I found it, I think I am doing something that will help me Get better, help me be happy with myself and my life, because you see You ha...

We fall down hard, onto each other Our chests rising and falling together As we try to catch our breath you whisper I love you still rings in my ears, you are the keeper Of my heart, you own my emotion When I look at you I get the notion That I have never fallen so fast or so hard Your name is scarred into the skin of my heart There is a part of me now that will always belong to you A part that will only ever exist with you Just breathe into me, tell me everything you want to say You are like air to my lungs, like the sun to the day Without you there is nothing to light up the darkness And to live in a world without you would be like living in blindness Never seeing beauty or the perfections that do still exist Never feeling butterflies, like the ones I get when we kiss If you would wrap your hand around mine for just a second I will never let you go, my love for you will never be weakened So fall hard onto me, and I promise I will be there to catch you Let go of fear, hold fast to my ...

There is a sadness in your eyes That often times will tantalize My thoughts with questions that remain unanswered Mostly because I can't ask them, so they are squandered Tossed away to the bottom of the bin To a place where I will just unravel them and read them again Asking why those blue eyes of yours have a shadow in the light Why there's a presence there, a ghost that holds so tight To the innocence inside of them, I wish I could see deeper I wish that I could heal, open up your eyes and see her See that young girl that still hides in the dark That poor soul that seems to be slowly falling apart Weeping amongst the painful memories that linger above like clouds I wish that I would have been there, could have pulled you out Of the misery that seems to haunt you even now Oh how the past can latch on like leaches, and somehow Keep us sucked dry, so we can never hurt again But the numbness that you feel, the emptiness is sometimes worse than the pain I see the innocence, the in...

I am an artist with a blade I am a heartbeat with a fade I paint dismay across the canvas of my skin And beauty is existent amongst the evil of my sin I have healed on the outside, but something somewhere still burns Some part of me still aches and my head is taking turns Arguing with myself, telling me I'm better and that I'm worse And who am I kidding, maybe this is just my curse Perhaps I will be forever haunted by the story on my arm Or maybe because I brought it outside myself I will be forever safe from the harm That often beat on the door of my heart, begging to let it bleed out Begging for salvation, for words to be spoken that I could never begin to talk about Maybe I will always ask the same questions as I am trying to get to know me again Oh, but when will I find the girl that I have left behind..when? Maybe the answer I have been looking for is never Maybe I just have to renew my past, hit refresh and everything will be better..

If only you knew the secret that lies upon my lip If only you could see the beautiful script Hidden just beneath the surface of what is real I want to tell you, but my lips must stay sealed Because no one must know the weapon that I wield Each three beats my heart sings I love you And it does, but in between each beat is a blue Soft, sweet sadness that rings in my ears each time your lips meet mine And it kills me, but I want to feel better than just fine About loving you. You say you love the secret that lingers on my lips But you can't see the secret in which it encrypts