Thick Skin

Why do I do this to myself, why do these words define me Why do I pretend that you can see what I see You can’t always get what you want, that’s life Is that my hand wrapped around the handle of this knife? It has never left my mind, always haunting my thoughts I keep raising my fists, but I have never fought I can hear the mirror calling my name Wanting me to stare deep into my demise, but I will never tame Under the hand of my silence So I succumb under the hand of this violence Under the cold nights on the bathroom floor Telling myself I’ll be okay if I just wait one second more One more second and I won’t break the promises I made Those thoughts left for a moment, but the scars have stayed To remind me that I can never be perfect, never even come close To this image that you all held of me, let me hold my pose Here in this moment, broken, wanting things to be different Wanting to tell you I’m okay, and want to have meant it What is okay. What is normal. Whatever it is, it isn’t me ...

I wish I knew what I was looking for I wish I was stronger than this, am I back here on the floor? I’d give anything just to know Know more than the rain falling outside my window Aren’t I better than this? Can’t wait for the sun to fall so I can see what I’ve missed When night has tucked me in To this tomb where I can begin To reflect in the muddy water that is draped around my ankles My body is beginning to rust around the shackles The tide is coming in, and I’m not running this time Surrounded by the sounds of summer, even though it’s springtime I can feel the sun on my face I like the possibility that I may find my place Twirling my fingers through my hair like grandma used to Close my heavy eyes and sleep like I used to The birds sing that song again And I go back, remember when Sunshine and familiar faces are all I need to make me happy To pick me up from my knees and remind me That all along I’ve just been waiting for this realization Waiting to find out that when everything has...