What I've Lost

Slowly realize what I've lost
I've already begun to pay the cost
Plague my mind with all of the resons why
I thought I was better off without you by my side
But as I slip into the darkness of my former world I find
That all of the mistakes I made float around amongst my mind
I can cradle my head in my hands and cry
Or I can sit in my silence and keep asking myself why
In numbing myself to pain, I numbed myself to love
And it only brought all the things I wish I had less of
This stone in my chest, that beats me all the time
Like the victim of an abusive husband, I am the wife
I cower in my corner afraid of how happiness will change me
Afraid to tread the waters of an unfamiliar sea
For they say happiness is not a destination, but a way of life
A way of which I am unaccustomed, like cutting with the handle of the knife
My hands are bloody and scarred from avoiding the right way
For I am lost and confused and I have lost my way
Been separated from what I know best
Depression and self infliction that proved too difficult to digest
To place in my past and simply forget
For history repeats itself, and it's like my life is in reset
They say things can only go up, as my life goes up in flames
The breath behind my optimism hangs its head in shame
We all know where I've been and where I go from here
Staring at the mirror, watching the me I know best slowly reappear

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