Thick Skin

You say you are not damaged Not broken, heart not hemorrhaged From the pain Your tears do not fall like rain Your breath does not catch When you see me, your thoughts not farfetched Never yearning for more, they do not stretch They do not harm, they do not want They do not haunt Your every living breath like souls That don't recognize themselves, no holes In your logic, no fault in your words No basis for your sadness, no cradle for your hurt No questions left unanswered, no curtains left to call No day dreaming about what could have been- No dreaming of me at all No love lost when there was none to begin No losers when no one could possibly win And with all that said My head Is still teeming with memories And I wish I was more like you-not lost in my reverie But here I am, still bleeding Still reeling From a stone That was thrown So many years ago... Why don't I know How to let go?

I press the edges of my palms together My heartbeat tethered Between Two fine layers of skin And I cradle an ocean in my hands. Tears rush out like waves Slipping into crevices-little graves Where they reside Soaking into the skin that I've tried To keep dry. And when my hands are full of water My flesh burning hotter With the frustration that I can't manage The pain that I can't bandage I try to stitch it up with words That you've never heard. And I'm tight lipped But the silence ripped Holes in my memory That stretch a canyon deep Remembering everything Is worse than forgetting. I can feel the blood raging Beneath-my veins waging A war with my heart Beating and beating Sowing and reaping I am bruised from within I pay the price for my sin. But nobody can see the pain that I am in Though I want them to Reach out and offer a hand I've made too good a living on a grand Illusion that I display Knowing that I look just okay E...

When people look at me They see Tall and intimidating They see hoop dreams And leather seams A basketball bouncing A loud voice announcing My name They see me playing the game They hear my shoes squeak They feel my emotions peak Sweat drip A toss for the tip That I win A game that begins With me and ends Whether I’m done with it or not They see shoes that I’ve bought Shots that I’ve shot Fade aways Between the legs Baskets made But what about the baskets missed The coaches pissed The dribble off my foot out of bounds All the mighty sounds Of boos, of fe fi fo fum Of ogres and giants and other fun Things, crushing everyone under my thumb But what about the body fat pincher That they jiggle and squeeze to measure Whether I’ve been eating too much And I grab and I clutch For that thread of confidence That I had once As it flutters away With the game that I loved to play It’s as abrupt an ending As any And in the mirr...