The Athlete

When people look at me
They see
Tall and intimidating

They see hoop dreams
And leather seams

A basketball bouncing
A loud voice announcing
My name
They see me playing the game

They hear my shoes squeak

They feel my emotions peak

Sweat drip

A toss for the tip

That I win

A game that begins

With me and ends

Whether I’m done with it or not

They see shoes that I’ve bought

Shots that I’ve shot

Fade aways

Between the legs

Baskets made

But what about the baskets missed

The coaches pissed

The dribble off my foot out of bounds

All the mighty sounds

Of boos, of fe fi fo fum

Of ogres and giants and other fun

Things, crushing everyone under my thumb

But what about the body fat pincher

That they jiggle and squeeze to measure

Whether I’ve been eating too much

And I grab and I clutch

For that thread of confidence

That I had once

As it flutters away

With the game that I loved to play

It’s as abrupt an ending

As any

And in the mirror

I still see her

A little girl who was angry

Who loved to compete like many

But couldn’t keep up with the rest

Who stretched out her neck

Trying her best

To grow into shoes she hadn’t worn yet

And she could improve forever

And never

Be good enough

A lifetime commitment to being tough

To taking the elbows

To catching the blows

In stride

To be tried

And true

And though you beat me

Though you defeat me

I will always believe I can beat you.

But the game ends

Whether seconds or years

The moment every athlete fears 

Appears

Like a bright light

Sudden and definitive a sight

That we all wish we would never see

The end of the tunnel of an athletes dream

So now people ask me if I was a basketball player

But time is the only giant slayer.

People still want to define me

Stare at me

Point at me

Ask if they can fight me

Because all they see

When they look at me

Is the outside.

And it’s easy to hide

Behind

My frame

Without looking at the bigger picture

I’m not a window pane

That you can pass through

I’m not empty, not hollow

My heart takes the beatings

My soul takes the bleeding

Of people thinking

That I don’t feel the same way they do

Just because I can carry more than they do

Because I’ve learned that toughness means

That you never let your opponent see 

That they’ve hurt you, never look weak

Because they will come for you

But I’m older and I’m tired and every link

On my chain is weak

People ask why I hate when people stare at me

Because I know how they think

I see them avoid my eyes because they’re afraid of me

Tall and intimidating

A lifetime of inundating
Fear

That I am nothing more than what you see here.