Little Graves

I press the edges of my palms together
My heartbeat tethered
Between
Two fine layers of skin
And I cradle an ocean in my hands.

Tears rush out like waves
Slipping into crevices-little graves
Where they reside
Soaking into the skin that I've tried
To keep dry.

And when my hands are full of water
My flesh burning hotter
With the frustration that I can't manage
The pain that I can't bandage
I try to stitch it up with words
That you've never heard.

And I'm tight lipped
But the silence ripped
Holes in my memory
That stretch a canyon deep
Remembering everything
Is worse than forgetting.

I can feel the blood raging
Beneath-my veins waging
A war with my heart
Beating and beating
Sowing and reaping
I am bruised from within
I pay the price for my sin.

But nobody can see the pain that I am in
Though I want them to
Reach out and offer a hand
I've made too good a living on a grand
Illusion that I display
Knowing that I look just okay
Enough to survive another day.

I've gotten so good at pretending
I don't understand my own upending
Of everything around me
The ground beneath my feet is unsteady
It's unsettling-it makes me nauseous
The tip-toeing, ever-cautious
Way that I live this life.

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