Muddy vision

I’ve walked through life with muddy vision

Trying to see through the mess and

It’s all so clear to me now

It all makes sense somehow

Because I can’t spend my life pretending

Molding myself into shapes, bending

My will to someone else’s liking

Fighting

Every instinct in me that said run

Because it’s only a matter of time before I come undone

And it lasts longer each time, the amount

Of hours I can count

Towards being their chameleon

But I always bust out of the box that they put me in

And I’m too dynamic

Too charismatic

Too big, too bold

To be told

That I am something that I am not

And you ask how I’m a catch that hasn’t been caught

And I think I’m starting to understand

I will not sacrifice a strand

Of who I am 

For someone else’s happiness anymore

All these disguises I wore

Hiding behind the fear

That I might be here

Where I am in this very moment

And I’d say I wish I would’ve known it

All along

That I was wrong

That I could be this strong

Because I never would’ve let myself down

But I think I had to be lost to be found.