Thick Skin

When the curtains fall, and I am showered in the darkness Will I be proud of the moments that brought me to this? Will I look back on this life and smile Close my eyes to find that every choice was worth while Or do I stand with a knot in my throat A solid regret, a strongly worded note Tell myself all of the things I wish I would have done Wishful thinking doesn’t get me far, when the ends come undone You watch the ones you love fade away, pass through an invisible wall A pane of glass, and they fear it so, we all attempt to stall To get rid of the wrinkles, remove the jagged edges that tell the world how much we’ve seen How old we are, how many mistakes we’ve made, and sometimes where we’ve been We wear our journeys on our bodies, and we betray them so By trying to hold on to life, when it becomes time for us to go They tell us to be unafraid when the moment comes to die But I have too often seen that moment in my loved one’s eyes When they know that it’s over, and there’s no life le...

I guess I've never been good at moving on I constantly dwell in the past What I've missed I second guess.. Could you have been the one? Minutes have turned to hours, and hours into days And all that I have to show for it is what I have let in my hands A fistfull of air is all that remains Of the pastI once held so dear Close your eyes, listen to the breeze It softly whispers the secrets of life The past lasts forever, but the present is a disease It barely gives a second before it's back on the wind Stealing time from you, leaving you weak at the knees I look at the hummingbird, watch as it beats its wings Remember what my grandma said It is cursed with silence, it flies free, but never sings Taking the nectar from the blossoms of time itself Constantly moving, never stopping to rest I look into my past and I look at myself Tell you where I've been, but never where I'm going For pain and fear have carried me here I'd rather drift through this life never knowing ...

Goodbye to saying sorry Goodbye to everything To this mess of pain and sorrow To these tears, never ending Goodbye to long dark nights Goodbye to bathroom floors To all of the things left unsaid To closing open doors Goodbye to happy endings So long to fairytales To ever holding your hand To looking to love when all else fails Goodbye to wearing my heart on my sleeve Goodbye to all I once knew But the hardest goodbye that I must face.. Is goodbye to you.

Why do I do this to myself, why do these words define me Why do I pretend that you can see what I see You can’t always get what you want, that’s life Is that my hand wrapped around the handle of this knife? It has never left my mind, always haunting my thoughts I keep raising my fists, but I have never fought I can hear the mirror calling my name Wanting me to stare deep into my demise, but I will never tame Under the hand of my silence So I succumb under the hand of this violence Under the cold nights on the bathroom floor Telling myself I’ll be okay if I just wait one second more One more second and I won’t break the promises I made Those thoughts left for a moment, but the scars have stayed To remind me that I can never be perfect, never even come close To this image that you all held of me, let me hold my pose Here in this moment, broken, wanting things to be different Wanting to tell you I’m okay, and want to have meant it What is okay. What is normal. Whatever it is, it isn’t me ...

I wish I knew what I was looking for I wish I was stronger than this, am I back here on the floor? I’d give anything just to know Know more than the rain falling outside my window Aren’t I better than this? Can’t wait for the sun to fall so I can see what I’ve missed When night has tucked me in To this tomb where I can begin To reflect in the muddy water that is draped around my ankles My body is beginning to rust around the shackles The tide is coming in, and I’m not running this time Surrounded by the sounds of summer, even though it’s springtime I can feel the sun on my face I like the possibility that I may find my place Twirling my fingers through my hair like grandma used to Close my heavy eyes and sleep like I used to The birds sing that song again And I go back, remember when Sunshine and familiar faces are all I need to make me happy To pick me up from my knees and remind me That all along I’ve just been waiting for this realization Waiting to find out that when everything has...

I found my inspiration here on the keys of my heart Pounding away at them, tearing them apart Finding new ways to rearrange the words That have stung me with their ignorance, and left me to the birds To be raw and vulnerable as the vultures circled me Staring down my weaknesses, admiring my wounded body Picking at the pieces that I could never fix The broken feelings and the recovery that never seemed to mix I fell face down in the mud, to have fate step on my head Grind it down into the dirt, and make me inhale the dead The others that have died of a broken heart and were given back to the earth Buried in their love, surrounded by their demise, rotting for what it's worth But was it worth it? To love so much that it broke you? To care so much that the sight of him leaving nearly killed you? I'm not sure what's real anymore, I though I was on solid ground To find that I had been spiraling down Into your arms, into something that I never wanted Falling into you, and shatteri...

There isn't a day my heart doesn't find you When it skips a beat at the thought of you Hear your voice and a smile finds my lips Longing to talk to you, my self control slips I can't help but wonder if you think of me If each day you are hoping and praying you could see me Like I know I do when I think of you I keep pretending I know how to act, that I know what to do The sad truth is I broke my own heart I messed up this time, I know what I did wasn't smart I've protected myself from love for so long that I forgot I forgot how it feels to love someone, and now I must rot In my decisions, rot in my haste Every day I spent doubting myself was such a waste I've lost you, my defenses, and I've adopted this vulnerability I think anything but feeling this pain would be better, but that's just my mentality I'm just waiting for someone to announce my fatality Cause I don't want to deal with this hurt that is my reality