Thick Skin

Slowly realize what I've lost I've already begun to pay the cost Plague my mind with all of the resons why I thought I was better off without you by my side But as I slip into the darkness of my former world I find That all of the mistakes I made float around amongst my mind I can cradle my head in my hands and cry Or I can sit in my silence and keep asking myself why In numbing myself to pain, I numbed myself to love And it only brought all the things I wish I had less of This stone in my chest, that beats me all the time Like the victim of an abusive husband, I am the wife I cower in my corner afraid of how happiness will change me Afraid to tread the waters of an unfamiliar sea For they say happiness is not a destination, but a way of life A way of which I am unaccustomed, like cutting with the handle of the knife My hands are bloody and scarred from avoiding the right way For I am lost and confused and I have lost my way Been separated from what I know best Depression and s...

This situation, this love has me worn Between staying and leaving and I’m torn Between lies and honesty Wondering if I should have listened when you said trust me Make every truth feel like a lie Even after you’ve apologized Over a thousand times All is not forgotten And all is not forgiven My head is still spinnin’ We’re in ruins, ancient history And still I want to hear you tell me that you miss me Want you to want me, kiss me Hoping someday you’ll come back to me When I know it’s poisonous You’re dangerous Always taking what you’re giving Dying while you’re living Is that what you expected Is this what I deserve Is this the end of your fiction The last breath of your conviction Of the hearts tucked away in your palm Is this the storm before the calm One day you’ll release your grip And I’ll be gone…

The fog has been lifted and your silhouette has faded away I see you now, for who you really are and I must say That I had a feeling all along That I knew what was coming so I had to be strong I braced myself as I fell Into a burning pit of hell I wish you would have been honest, and came right out with it But now I look like a fool, cause I went along with it You pulled the wool over my eyes and spoke such sweet words Each one revealing a little more about the truth, little passwords Secrets, bread crumbs that you had left behind to torture me with Make me chase you down and give me someone I’d never catch up with I guess that the lies really were what I thought And I suppose that for believing this would work I deserved what I got But I’m going to stand up, I won’t let this break me I won’t let what you have put me through destroy me You are lost in a tangled mess, but I have found the end of the string I unraveled this little mystery and left you searching Searching for an answer, b...

A beautiful soul struggling behind closed doors Tied up in circumstance hidden beneath the floorboards People stepping on her, walking on her heart Leaving a bloody trail of memories, tearing her apart From her reality and her imagination, left to question what is real Looks down to see her clothes stained with blood Her hands will never be clean of the unexpected A dark shadow looms overhead as if to mock her happiness A phantom of the night, seeking hold of every tear and every inch of sadness And spreading it like an epidemic throughout her body Aches and pains causing her to fall to her knees in unbearable agony The weight of the world is too big of a burden to carry on her shoulders To drag along with the chains that cling to her clothes like beggars Begging her to let them drag her down into the dark Where razors and pills and endless nights have made their mark An angel of death, she beats her wings to an eerie tune Stirring up the ashes of the dead, bursting out of her cocoon S...

When the curtains fall, and I am showered in the darkness Will I be proud of the moments that brought me to this? Will I look back on this life and smile Close my eyes to find that every choice was worth while Or do I stand with a knot in my throat A solid regret, a strongly worded note Tell myself all of the things I wish I would have done Wishful thinking doesn’t get me far, when the ends come undone You watch the ones you love fade away, pass through an invisible wall A pane of glass, and they fear it so, we all attempt to stall To get rid of the wrinkles, remove the jagged edges that tell the world how much we’ve seen How old we are, how many mistakes we’ve made, and sometimes where we’ve been We wear our journeys on our bodies, and we betray them so By trying to hold on to life, when it becomes time for us to go They tell us to be unafraid when the moment comes to die But I have too often seen that moment in my loved one’s eyes When they know that it’s over, and there’s no life le...

I guess I've never been good at moving on I constantly dwell in the past What I've missed I second guess.. Could you have been the one? Minutes have turned to hours, and hours into days And all that I have to show for it is what I have let in my hands A fistfull of air is all that remains Of the pastI once held so dear Close your eyes, listen to the breeze It softly whispers the secrets of life The past lasts forever, but the present is a disease It barely gives a second before it's back on the wind Stealing time from you, leaving you weak at the knees I look at the hummingbird, watch as it beats its wings Remember what my grandma said It is cursed with silence, it flies free, but never sings Taking the nectar from the blossoms of time itself Constantly moving, never stopping to rest I look into my past and I look at myself Tell you where I've been, but never where I'm going For pain and fear have carried me here I'd rather drift through this life never knowing ...

Goodbye to saying sorry Goodbye to everything To this mess of pain and sorrow To these tears, never ending Goodbye to long dark nights Goodbye to bathroom floors To all of the things left unsaid To closing open doors Goodbye to happy endings So long to fairytales To ever holding your hand To looking to love when all else fails Goodbye to wearing my heart on my sleeve Goodbye to all I once knew But the hardest goodbye that I must face.. Is goodbye to you.