Thick Skin

I picked up my hands and rested them on these keys Awaiting the inspiration for my tragic symphonies As I pounded my thoughts onto a canvas of white My fingers dancing along, so contrite As they couldn’t seem to step along like they used to Tired of repeating the same sad songs they always do But this music, this eerie tune that has been created Has defined me, and my hands, as they are jaded From pushing down on the keyboard, like gravity has been pushing down on me Finding that my fingers have been doing all the work, as they gently Peruse through the most inner workings of my delicate heart Pulling on the strings, trying to jumpstart This beating, the one that I have been taking while my heart tried to recover From the emptiness that it feels, as it hides beneath the covers Like a child, afraid of the darkness, or what lies within it And the possibilities are never ending, they are infinite Pieces of the imagination, but what if that’s all they are and ever were? What if this is all...

People say it’s impolite to pry, but maybe that’s all I ever needed Someone to care just enough, or not enough to feed On the things that have been eating away at me from the inside out Tear apart my insides, dissect the pieces that are about To swell and have me burst completely into thousands of smaller parts Shards of painful pieces that have been putting pressure on the hearts Of everyone around me, as I can’t find a way to cope The razor never sharp enough, the paper never gave me the hope That I needed to carry through this with a sense of fulfillment I don’t want this, I wish I could be anyone else, to have just a hint Of what it’s like to not hurt like this, to not want to cut each breath short Cutting up old pictures and rearranging them to make them fit, to distort An image that everyone else seems to think is okay, fool them Or assure them that nothing has ever been wrong, but then This, this floods over me, I wish I knew what to call it, I wish it had a name I wish I had al...

Bones break Hearts ache People remain the same Even when you beg for change You can't always get what you want, or what you need You just try not to get eaten alive in the feed of everyday life, the last one on the chopping block The smallest hand on the clock Spinning in circles to make yourself dizzy and fall Always falling, like leaves, floating gently toward the ground Drifting through the motions, drowning out the sounds Of summer, anticipating what would become of it all Wondering how you didn't see it coming, or why you let it go so far And now, when you are left with nothing but your thoughts Your mind wallows in its own self pity until it rots From trying to think of reasons Why somewhere between the seasons you lost what you wanted And you feel like you've been taken for granted Somewhere along the way so what am I supposed to say? Now that you want to love someone other than me So this is where I get over it right? Please, let me be.

You want to leave me alone, but that’s not what I wanted It never was, and I am haunted By the fact that I can see your hand and not hold it See those lips and not kiss you, it Kills me to look in those eyes knowing that they are looking at someone else The way you once looked at me, I don’t want to be by myself But I don’t want to be around you It should be no surprise that I can’t stand you Because you and I should be together Don’t you feel the same? When you look at me? Oh, that’s right, you never Really felt the same, typical, I should be used to this Looking at the same person that continues breaking my heart Even though you’re not mine, this is like an art That I have perfected, being broken, acting like I’m not This is what you wanted, is it not? For me to pretend that everything is fine and that I’m happy You can’t ask for that, not this time, not from me I hate pretending that this doesn’t hurt like hell I hate the way you avoid my eyes, and well I hate you a little, and then...

I'm breaking my normal poetry format, I have to get this out and it has to be raw. Why do I not have any confidence? You keep asking me..it's not a matter of not having confidence, because I do have confidence. You just didn't pay attention enough, I feel as if you don't know me at all. Every conversation we ever had, I felt like I was more enaged in knowing you than you were me. It was no surprise when you wanted to leave me, I saw it coming. More than anything I was just pissed that I gave so much and didn't get shit in return. It always seems to end that way for me, and when I say nothing, I don't mean materialistic things like stuff you have to pay money for. Sure, it was fun, an I love your family and everything that you have done either with me or for me. But what I don't understand is why now that you have found somebody else you have to post all this stupid shit like "you are my only exception" and "everyday with you is the best day ev...

It all seems so hard at this point I know But it only gets better from here, so don't Let this beat you, don't let it affect you This is the calm before the storm, nothing left to do But brace yourself for what is next, cause it's going to hurt But if you are ready, if you believe in happiness so much then comfort Yourself, shelter yourself from this pain Let this moment bounce off of you, don't allow it to remain Deep inside you and eat you alive It's not worth the time That you spend trying to forget, when you should be trying to remember All of the good times, the smiles, and the things that were so much better Than this, right here, right now Only time will tell you how This will be okay, I can't do it, I can only be a voice of reason Try and comfort you and help you get through the season Of broken hearts, soft tears, and empty rooms One day, those places deep inside will fell empty, but soon They will be filled again by the memories that were always there ...

It's all the same Nothing but one big game Trying to get your points in before the final buzzer Watching seconds fall off the clock, you feel your heart beat shudder Adrenaline drowns out reason every now and again But nothing really matters until the end When you look back on the moments when you shined How you treated the people around you, when everything fell in line With what you hoped for and you've dreamed of When your heart is in the right place, when you were down or you were up And every time you got knocked down, you got back up When helping hands reached out to support you and assist you through your journey When you realized it was more important to turn "I" into "We" When you look back, appreciate the things that you were given The blood, the sweat, the tear that you have shed while you've been livin' This life is nothing more than one big game Whether you feel like you accomplished something ion the end or not, it's all the same Yo...

You love someone, so fight for that But how do you fight for someone that doesnt want you back How do you convince them that you are good enough? Why did they leave you the first time, it's so tough To get an answer, when you're not even sure of the question What do you ask them, tell them, it's hard to digest them When they hit you with reasons Bruise you with honesty, and leave lesions On your heart where they have burned you with laughter And seered your mind with troubled thoughts that soon after Will send you into a spiral, only to recycle you back through the system To start over, ask the same questions, reword phrases so maybe they will get them Into their heads, so maybe they can see what they once did in you And figure out why the image the had upheld of you Has faded and even though you want to be angry that they left You can't, because you have to be sweet to pass the test Bitterness will only clutter your path with trouble But shouldn't you feel hurt? Sh...