Get Out of My Heart

I'm breaking my normal poetry format, I have to get this out and it has to be raw. Why do I not have any confidence? You keep asking me..it's not a matter of not having confidence, because I do have confidence. You just didn't pay attention enough, I feel as if you don't know me at all. Every conversation we ever had, I felt like I was more enaged in knowing you than you were me. It was no surprise when you wanted to leave me, I saw it coming. More than anything I was just pissed that I gave so much and didn't get shit in return. It always seems to end that way for me, and when I say nothing, I don't mean materialistic things like stuff you have to pay money for. Sure, it was fun, an I love your family and everything that you have done either with me or for me. But what I don't understand is why now that you have found somebody else you have to post all this stupid shit like "you are my only exception" and "everyday with you is the best day ever"..even "I love my life" makes my blood boil. Simply because you didn't seem to love it when you were with me. Wtf is that? I was nothing but good to you and you know that. If you didn't feel the same about me as I did you, then maybe you should take everything you said back. As much as I thought you did, you don't have much consideration for anyone. You don't stop one second to think, oh shit, how would that make her feel? Knowing that she was just a space that I needed to fill while I found someone worth it that really mattered. There's a point where sorry just doesn't cut it, and a point where confidence turns into cockiness. Who do you think you are? I mean honestly. It's great that you love your life, don't take it wrong, but honestly? Was it really that bad to be with me? I can't possibly imagine it being that bad, I was there for you, I was kind and caring to you. I loved you with all my heart, and supposedly, you loved me (that was obviously a fat lie). I shouldn't care, but I do. I am pretending like I'm not livid about all of this, and I'm doing a damn good job if I do say so myself. If i said all I wanted was for you to be happy right this second, I would be lying. I want you to feel the pain that I am feeing right now. This emptiness, this unfulfilled feeling that always seems to burn deep inside of me. I have been called many things in my lifetime, but one that I've never heard someone call me is heartless, because I am far from it. I will love you until the day that I die, because I don't let go. I believe that everyone is supposed to hold a small occupancy in my heart, and once they have earned that piece, I won't withhold it from them. But this time, for some reason, it hurts. I don't think it should, it wasn't even that long.. All I want is someone to tell me that they were wrong, that it wasn't my fault this time, but no one ever says a word. Irony is beautiful isn't it? I never speak up, yet I beg for someone to open their mouth and tell me why I am alone, why I'm not at home in my own skin. Most of my issues have nothing to do with you, you're right. But there are a few, and in my head I am furious with you, so much sometimes that I wish you were here in front of me just so I could scream at you. Even though if you were here I wouldn't, or couldn't.. But in my heart, underneath the thick layer of brick that I have built around it to hide the truth, is a special place just for you. An occupancy with your name on it, full of feelings that were incomplete and will always remain that way, locked in an empty room full of empty promises with the bottomfeeding cesspool in a lump of tissue that one might call my heart.