Thick Skin

This situation, this love has me worn Between staying and leaving and I’m torn Between lies and honesty Wondering if I should have listened when you said trust me Make every truth feel like a lie Even after you’ve apologized Over a thousand times All is not forgotten And all is not forgiven My head is still spinnin’ We’re in ruins, ancient history And still I want to hear you tell me that you miss me Want you to want me, kiss me Hoping someday you’ll come back to me When I know it’s poisonous You’re dangerous Always taking what you’re giving Dying while you’re living Is that what you expected Is this what I deserve Is this the end of your fiction The last breath of your conviction Of the hearts tucked away in your palm Is this the storm before the calm One day you’ll release your grip And I’ll be gone…

The fog has been lifted and your silhouette has faded away I see you now, for who you really are and I must say That I had a feeling all along That I knew what was coming so I had to be strong I braced myself as I fell Into a burning pit of hell I wish you would have been honest, and came right out with it But now I look like a fool, cause I went along with it You pulled the wool over my eyes and spoke such sweet words Each one revealing a little more about the truth, little passwords Secrets, bread crumbs that you had left behind to torture me with Make me chase you down and give me someone I’d never catch up with I guess that the lies really were what I thought And I suppose that for believing this would work I deserved what I got But I’m going to stand up, I won’t let this break me I won’t let what you have put me through destroy me You are lost in a tangled mess, but I have found the end of the string I unraveled this little mystery and left you searching Searching for an answer, b...

A beautiful soul struggling behind closed doors Tied up in circumstance hidden beneath the floorboards People stepping on her, walking on her heart Leaving a bloody trail of memories, tearing her apart From her reality and her imagination, left to question what is real Looks down to see her clothes stained with blood Her hands will never be clean of the unexpected A dark shadow looms overhead as if to mock her happiness A phantom of the night, seeking hold of every tear and every inch of sadness And spreading it like an epidemic throughout her body Aches and pains causing her to fall to her knees in unbearable agony The weight of the world is too big of a burden to carry on her shoulders To drag along with the chains that cling to her clothes like beggars Begging her to let them drag her down into the dark Where razors and pills and endless nights have made their mark An angel of death, she beats her wings to an eerie tune Stirring up the ashes of the dead, bursting out of her cocoon S...

When the curtains fall, and I am showered in the darkness Will I be proud of the moments that brought me to this? Will I look back on this life and smile Close my eyes to find that every choice was worth while Or do I stand with a knot in my throat A solid regret, a strongly worded note Tell myself all of the things I wish I would have done Wishful thinking doesn’t get me far, when the ends come undone You watch the ones you love fade away, pass through an invisible wall A pane of glass, and they fear it so, we all attempt to stall To get rid of the wrinkles, remove the jagged edges that tell the world how much we’ve seen How old we are, how many mistakes we’ve made, and sometimes where we’ve been We wear our journeys on our bodies, and we betray them so By trying to hold on to life, when it becomes time for us to go They tell us to be unafraid when the moment comes to die But I have too often seen that moment in my loved one’s eyes When they know that it’s over, and there’s no life le...

I guess I've never been good at moving on I constantly dwell in the past What I've missed I second guess.. Could you have been the one? Minutes have turned to hours, and hours into days And all that I have to show for it is what I have let in my hands A fistfull of air is all that remains Of the pastI once held so dear Close your eyes, listen to the breeze It softly whispers the secrets of life The past lasts forever, but the present is a disease It barely gives a second before it's back on the wind Stealing time from you, leaving you weak at the knees I look at the hummingbird, watch as it beats its wings Remember what my grandma said It is cursed with silence, it flies free, but never sings Taking the nectar from the blossoms of time itself Constantly moving, never stopping to rest I look into my past and I look at myself Tell you where I've been, but never where I'm going For pain and fear have carried me here I'd rather drift through this life never knowing ...

Goodbye to saying sorry Goodbye to everything To this mess of pain and sorrow To these tears, never ending Goodbye to long dark nights Goodbye to bathroom floors To all of the things left unsaid To closing open doors Goodbye to happy endings So long to fairytales To ever holding your hand To looking to love when all else fails Goodbye to wearing my heart on my sleeve Goodbye to all I once knew But the hardest goodbye that I must face.. Is goodbye to you.

Why do I do this to myself, why do these words define me Why do I pretend that you can see what I see You can’t always get what you want, that’s life Is that my hand wrapped around the handle of this knife? It has never left my mind, always haunting my thoughts I keep raising my fists, but I have never fought I can hear the mirror calling my name Wanting me to stare deep into my demise, but I will never tame Under the hand of my silence So I succumb under the hand of this violence Under the cold nights on the bathroom floor Telling myself I’ll be okay if I just wait one second more One more second and I won’t break the promises I made Those thoughts left for a moment, but the scars have stayed To remind me that I can never be perfect, never even come close To this image that you all held of me, let me hold my pose Here in this moment, broken, wanting things to be different Wanting to tell you I’m okay, and want to have meant it What is okay. What is normal. Whatever it is, it isn’t me ...

I wish I knew what I was looking for I wish I was stronger than this, am I back here on the floor? I’d give anything just to know Know more than the rain falling outside my window Aren’t I better than this? Can’t wait for the sun to fall so I can see what I’ve missed When night has tucked me in To this tomb where I can begin To reflect in the muddy water that is draped around my ankles My body is beginning to rust around the shackles The tide is coming in, and I’m not running this time Surrounded by the sounds of summer, even though it’s springtime I can feel the sun on my face I like the possibility that I may find my place Twirling my fingers through my hair like grandma used to Close my heavy eyes and sleep like I used to The birds sing that song again And I go back, remember when Sunshine and familiar faces are all I need to make me happy To pick me up from my knees and remind me That all along I’ve just been waiting for this realization Waiting to find out that when everything has...

I found my inspiration here on the keys of my heart Pounding away at them, tearing them apart Finding new ways to rearrange the words That have stung me with their ignorance, and left me to the birds To be raw and vulnerable as the vultures circled me Staring down my weaknesses, admiring my wounded body Picking at the pieces that I could never fix The broken feelings and the recovery that never seemed to mix I fell face down in the mud, to have fate step on my head Grind it down into the dirt, and make me inhale the dead The others that have died of a broken heart and were given back to the earth Buried in their love, surrounded by their demise, rotting for what it's worth But was it worth it? To love so much that it broke you? To care so much that the sight of him leaving nearly killed you? I'm not sure what's real anymore, I though I was on solid ground To find that I had been spiraling down Into your arms, into something that I never wanted Falling into you, and shatteri...

There isn't a day my heart doesn't find you When it skips a beat at the thought of you Hear your voice and a smile finds my lips Longing to talk to you, my self control slips I can't help but wonder if you think of me If each day you are hoping and praying you could see me Like I know I do when I think of you I keep pretending I know how to act, that I know what to do The sad truth is I broke my own heart I messed up this time, I know what I did wasn't smart I've protected myself from love for so long that I forgot I forgot how it feels to love someone, and now I must rot In my decisions, rot in my haste Every day I spent doubting myself was such a waste I've lost you, my defenses, and I've adopted this vulnerability I think anything but feeling this pain would be better, but that's just my mentality I'm just waiting for someone to announce my fatality Cause I don't want to deal with this hurt that is my reality

Like a keeper of the silence, she moves with little haste Dropping hints here and there, trying to give you a taste Of her reality, as she won't just spill the truth After years and years of tormenting, she was robbed of her youth Mistakes she never made affected her the most As she stood beneath the angry hand of her mother, her harmful host A bruise to the face causes suspicion, but a bruise beneath the shirt does not Clever, this witch, brewing her next disease in her poison laced pot Calling at the latest hours of the night in fear, as I can hear the quiver in her voice Laying awake every night awaiting the next phone call, asking for a choice Begging for a distraction from the pain she had to endure Waiting for her feathers to grow back to beat the wind like her mother's hand beat her Those piercing green eyes set on something more than the bars of this cage Time is her only enemy now, as I wonder how she displaces her empty rage Thinking about her every day, hoping she wi...