Thick Skin

My insecurities are wolves They circle me Constantly Occasionally lurching out to take a piece But never breaking from the pack My fear is but a snack On which they feed And no matter the deed I wish to achieve Whether shallow or steep There they are in the shadows, watching me With hungry eyes and empty stomachs They ravage my mind with sticks And stones These insecurities swallow me when I’m alone They rip and tear, they bully and beat They kick me when I’m down, they know when I am weak They stand proudly with my heart at their feet And they’ll sink their unforgiving teeth Into flesh and souls Taking their tolls Until my pain manifests on me physically Whether I carve up my skin Like an October pumpkin Or I eat all the food that I can manage Until my skin bends and stretches into something I can’t bandage With gauze or an oversized t-shirt Until I flirt With my demons out loud-for everyone to see But I’m afraid of what they’ll think of me. Who I show yo...

The pain is insurmountable This giant obstacle That I don’t know how to overcome And I feel dumb Stupid/obtuse For taking the abuse Instead of leaving it behind like you Everything comes so easy to you Money, success, moving past A love that didn’t last For one of us Just one of us It still stings Burns in my lungs, but it sings When it sees a picture of you And it brings a swell A wave of longing to tell And be told again What I wouldn’t give to remain In a memory For eternity My snow globe lover Doesn’t it bother You just a little? Or is my heart just this brittle Rusted toy- I never meant to annoy You with petty questions Love leaves lesions And emptiness It stings, it burns, it teases But it never actually IS.

You'll never know how much It hurts my feelings as I clutch My chest, trying to slow the rise and fall Of my breath, giving my all To try and get my brain to catch up to my heart "She doesn't want you" it's not fair to cart Around the thoughts that I think Constantly on the brink Of a breakdown And it's all down Hill from here As I type out a message, backspace, the fear Wrapped around me like a blanket And I keep trying but I have to fake it Fake the way I really feel It won't make a difference what I say, the real Trouble is you don't care enough to ask How I've been, and it's such a task To you, I'm such a burden just to know And I can't show What it does to me The agony Of never crossing your mind And there's no common ground I could find That would make it better So I type out a message, backspace, stutter And I put my phone away Cause there is nothing to say And it's not okay But it's the w...