Thick Skin

Beauty is masked by pain, I guess I always knew But when you’re young you try to avoid the truth Being naïve can be such a blessing, until it’s time to flip the hour glass And your whole world is raining down on you, and you just wait for the time to pass Swimming your way through the sands of time Listening to yourself scream, and yet that moment feels so sublime When the frame of your fingers holds that moment still Close your eyes and make a wish, cause it’s hard to know what’s real When my reflection turns into a photograph and I’ve lost my innocence Lost my childhood, lost my way, and now I am seeking guidance From whoever would like to point me in the direction I need to go To find what is missing, so I can save my soul I’m not sure what I miss more, reality or imagination My ability to dream, or my ability to function Do my eyes deceive me? Or have years passed by me without notice Is it just me, or did you go back on your promise? The blonde little girl in my pictures is so bli...

Today I found myself consumed by my ambivalence Lost within my mind, and yet lost in its absence No thought to appease my insanity No action to satisfy my vanity You get one life, you get your choices You can’t talk your way out of it, no matter how many voices Speak up to fight for it to be different You can yell and you can scream, but there’s no reset I remember hearing my heart beat, in the still of the night Dreaming of slow and steady waiting for the insight That will tell me all the secrets that I have been hording Hitting play and rewind like a worn out recording No one really cares about anyone but themselves They tuck feelings away like they put old books up on the shelves Collecting dust, never even touched, never given a chance to feel To be held in someone’s arms, to be given a chance to heal Time leaves wrinkles, and eventually we all break Some of us can’t help but be defined by our mistakes

My hands coasting through the breeze Laughing at the world between the trees A blur of colors, an array of life Remind me why I am here, remind me why I try Cruising along yellow lines, that seem to twist like we do Winding roads and sunset skies, tell us why we seem to Forget the little things that always seem to mean the most Minutes like these ones, so perfect, and then again, haunting like a ghost Floating amongst the living, as they glare at our imperfections And we realize that we were right all along, we just got lost in common misconceptions It’s the oranges and the reds and the yellows that bleed into our skin As today creeps behind the horizon, and tomorrow sets in And the yesterdays that seemed to burn, no longer have control The smiles and the laughter that we express now seems to console Us, and make us believe in something more Than the pain and the suffering that we felt before The time keeps adding numbers on to the tally in my mind Counting how many times I get lost in...

I picked up my hands and rested them on these keys Awaiting the inspiration for my tragic symphonies As I pounded my thoughts onto a canvas of white My fingers dancing along, so contrite As they couldn’t seem to step along like they used to Tired of repeating the same sad songs they always do But this music, this eerie tune that has been created Has defined me, and my hands, as they are jaded From pushing down on the keyboard, like gravity has been pushing down on me Finding that my fingers have been doing all the work, as they gently Peruse through the most inner workings of my delicate heart Pulling on the strings, trying to jumpstart This beating, the one that I have been taking while my heart tried to recover From the emptiness that it feels, as it hides beneath the covers Like a child, afraid of the darkness, or what lies within it And the possibilities are never ending, they are infinite Pieces of the imagination, but what if that’s all they are and ever were? What if this is all...

People say it’s impolite to pry, but maybe that’s all I ever needed Someone to care just enough, or not enough to feed On the things that have been eating away at me from the inside out Tear apart my insides, dissect the pieces that are about To swell and have me burst completely into thousands of smaller parts Shards of painful pieces that have been putting pressure on the hearts Of everyone around me, as I can’t find a way to cope The razor never sharp enough, the paper never gave me the hope That I needed to carry through this with a sense of fulfillment I don’t want this, I wish I could be anyone else, to have just a hint Of what it’s like to not hurt like this, to not want to cut each breath short Cutting up old pictures and rearranging them to make them fit, to distort An image that everyone else seems to think is okay, fool them Or assure them that nothing has ever been wrong, but then This, this floods over me, I wish I knew what to call it, I wish it had a name I wish I had al...

Bones break Hearts ache People remain the same Even when you beg for change You can't always get what you want, or what you need You just try not to get eaten alive in the feed of everyday life, the last one on the chopping block The smallest hand on the clock Spinning in circles to make yourself dizzy and fall Always falling, like leaves, floating gently toward the ground Drifting through the motions, drowning out the sounds Of summer, anticipating what would become of it all Wondering how you didn't see it coming, or why you let it go so far And now, when you are left with nothing but your thoughts Your mind wallows in its own self pity until it rots From trying to think of reasons Why somewhere between the seasons you lost what you wanted And you feel like you've been taken for granted Somewhere along the way so what am I supposed to say? Now that you want to love someone other than me So this is where I get over it right? Please, let me be.

You want to leave me alone, but that’s not what I wanted It never was, and I am haunted By the fact that I can see your hand and not hold it See those lips and not kiss you, it Kills me to look in those eyes knowing that they are looking at someone else The way you once looked at me, I don’t want to be by myself But I don’t want to be around you It should be no surprise that I can’t stand you Because you and I should be together Don’t you feel the same? When you look at me? Oh, that’s right, you never Really felt the same, typical, I should be used to this Looking at the same person that continues breaking my heart Even though you’re not mine, this is like an art That I have perfected, being broken, acting like I’m not This is what you wanted, is it not? For me to pretend that everything is fine and that I’m happy You can’t ask for that, not this time, not from me I hate pretending that this doesn’t hurt like hell I hate the way you avoid my eyes, and well I hate you a little, and then...