Forgetting You

I hate you, but I don’t
I want to shut you out, but I won’t
I want to tell you you didn’t mean anything, but I can’t
I want to collapse to my knees, but I stand
I want to say it never hurts, but that’s a lie
I want to pretend I’m happy, and then I cry
I say I’m alive, but sometimes I feel dead
I speak words, that should often remain unsaid
This moment is blurry, yet it’s clear
You are long gone, but you’re still standing here
My fingers are crossed, but I am naïve
I wanted you to stay, but I needed you to leave
I told myself this was coming, but I wasn’t prepared
I say you shouldn’t have been, but I was scared
I think you made a mistake, but you will never care
I hate seeing your picture, and then I seem to stare
I don’t want to know how you’re doing, but I have to
Something inside me still wonders, though I tell it not to
Your touch still lingers on my skin, and I pretend it doesn’t disgust me
Your smell is still familiar to me, but I pretend it’s cloudy
I know you still love me, but I refuse to believe it
I know you feel pain, but I don’t see it
I know you’re a good actor, and you make me sick
This tired little game is getting rustic
I’m putting the memory of you to rest
And putting my strength to the test

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