House is Not A Home

This house is not a home, no matter what people say
And what do they know anyway?
I don’t even know myself, and I’ve spent my whole life getting to know me
How can you people pretend to see my problems when you don’t see
I can’t tell where night ends and day begins anymore
I can’t find any trace of the person I was before
I have lost myself somehow, drowning in a teaspoon of water
Suffocating the thought of redemption, chinking my armor
It’s only a flesh wound, why is everyone making such a big deal?
There’s nothing wrong with feeling pain, it will heal
"Nobody’s free, even the birds are chained to the sky"
And I am chained here in your box of failures, and I tried
To be so perfect that I turned into a mannequin
The place in my chest where my heart was once beating is barren
I keep digging through my skin looking for blood, but my veins have run dry
I keep tearing out my eyes to see emotion, but I have no tears left to cry
My eyelids were so heavy that they ripped right off of my face
And now I am cursed with awareness, lost in a daze
The people that look at me with blank expressions scare me the most
They’re getting tired of my lack of self control, my attitude and almost
Tired of me all together for not being strong enough
I am isolating myself from existence and I am calling my bluff
I am afraid to stop living and not afraid to die
I fear growing up before I’m ready, and I can’t tell you why
I am afraid of growing away from the seeds that I’ve sewn
I feel spineless, lacking of a backbone
But what can I say, I’ve always been different
"Is ***** here today?" as everyone marks me absent
I am retreating back to my hole now
To cradle my dying heart, and still live somehow

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