Undead or Barely Alive

Dreary, grey, and miserable the days roll by like distant clouds
The people surrounding me seem to shuffle around in crowds
Cornering me until I’m forced into remembrance
The No Vacancy sign in my memory states its point as it adores my absence
Will my hands always burn with temptation?
Will my eyes always favor the color that is crimson?
I ask these questions subconsciously as I am a great pretender
Hiding behind a mess of lies, trying to clear the clutter
Some days, when the passing glances transform to worry
When my mannequin state loses its glory
Someone will ask the question, "Are you okay"
It’s the one that I had been dreading as I wandered through in a daze
Empty your tank, flood them with how broken you feel
No, repeat over and over "I’m fine" time will heal
The scars are dancing around together beneath a cotton mask
This smile, it is temporary and as much as I want to believe it will last
It is eroding beneath my skin, and I cant keep painting over the holes
I look in the mirror only to be buried in shame, it howls and condoles
"Will these hands ne’er be clean" of the pain that I’ve carried
Will my lungs ever be cleansed by the air that I have buried
Or will I choke on tainted oxygen for living a lie
For drifting through the motions of this painful life
You all look at the person I force you to see, and you adore her
So I ask myself why would I unleash this horrible monster
This shattered existence of a person alone, and lost
I ask myself now, how could I have ever gotten my wires so crossed
I ask myself everyday how am I going to survive
Am I undead, or am I barely alive?

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