Swallowed Me

I find I am mocked by eternity
I fear it, yet it runs from me
I fear a lot of things these days
I feel haunted, alone, and unsafe
I don’t want to talk to anyone, or exist for that matter
I won’t sugar coat it and hand it to you on a silver platter
I really don’t want to live this life, meet Virginia
I have been shot by irony and stung by karma
A bullet in my heart, infecting every vein in my body
Spreading like disease throughout me
Weaving in and out of numbness and despair
Rubbing up against contentment, taunting my repair
Tantalizing my every move, cutting my breaths short
My lungs are grasping for life as they strain and distort
I have to learn how to breathe again, but I am afraid to
I want to feel whole again, but I cant seem to
I lay awake at night, trying to forget
But each memory sparks a new one and I remember why I regret
My every move, even as I keep taking step after step
As they turn into leaps and bounds, as I stumble and trip
I try to retrieve my former self from the shadows
I try to caress the girl in the mirror as she cries and wallows
In her own self pity, but she is lost in between
Stuck in the middle of reality and a dream
I can feel her trying to tug me into the darkness, and I surrender
I give in, my mind is made up and it will not be rendered
I belong in the background of the troubled scenery
I belong with this messed up world that has swallowed me

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