The Ledge

I spent all day trying to catch my breath
Trying to hold onto something still, so I might step
Off this ledge
My feet hanging off the edge
Anticipating the great fall
Trying to stall
The inevitable push or maybe the pull
And I'm cascading down like a waterfall
Falling head over heels
Into something that feels
So real
And so right for me
But I'm free falling
Suspended in the air
Frozen in time, pretending I don't care
If my neck breaks
Under the weight
Of these thoughts in my brain
And the strain
On my heart that I'm trying to ignore
When I watch you walk away and implore
you stay
When I have no business
Asking, when I have no right to insist
That you should
And I know that you wish you could
And maybe that will be enough for now
While I figure out how
To put my heart in a music box
You can keep on your vanity
So you can twist me up and let me go until I border insanity
Maybe I'm already insane
Or maybe smart, for wanting someone who feels the same
Who feels the same fear
Who shed the same tears
Wondering how she would change
Wondering how she could estrange
Herself from everything she's known and be okay
And somehow the more I let things go
The more they come back to me better
The more I stop holding onto the way things were
The closer I get to finding myself
The more I lost my sense of self
The more I discovered who I truly was
Found out what I was really made of
And I would take all of the loss and the pain
Do it a thousand times over again
Because if I hadn't I wouldn't be here now with you
Ready to lay down my armor and choose
To be vulnerable, to know I might get hurt
To flirt
With the possibility that I may just throw myself over
And never wonder
What might have happened if I didn't
If I could be so fucking happy-that isn't...
That just can't be bad right?

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