Up in Smoke

Up in smoke

So thick I choke

With tar filled lungs

And twisted tongues

My scar filled arms

And these thoughts swarm

Around my head

And I swat at them

The tortured mobile

That spins above me and I’ll 

Deny my pain

Reject the strain

On my heart muscles

Stretching

Constricting

Tired from the heavy lifting

Of my spontaneous decisions

Trying to clot around the self inflicted incisions

These wounds are hard to close

Hard to describe a feeling nobody knows

And I’m infected

And I’m wicked

And I can’t cleanse myself of this

So instead I clench these fists

Until my fingers break

Until I rake

Across my hands with my fingernails

When everything I try fails

I’m a prisoner to my inability to cope

With thoughts of hope

And these grandiose things that I think

My heads a mess tonight

But I’m gonna be alright

When the sun comes up again

I’ll cover it up with a grin

That stretches across my face

Like worn leather masquerading as lace

And I’ll repeat to myself that I’m okay.

I’m okay. 

I’m okay.